Instructive Destructive

When in your hand, is the choice to make someone’s day or to ruin it, when one requires flexibility and empathy and the other means following instructions, what do you do?

Situation 1

Went to place A to collect free gift in the form of vouchers. Brought the original letter and ID. Miss X at the counter took a look and asked, ” where is the second piece to the letter?” “Oops, I probably have misplaced it… what’s the second piece about ?” With no change in expression, she said “it’s the acknowledgment and also authorization part” and then, with the same face and tone, she added, ” without that I cannot issue.”

I could feel some frustration coming my way, partly blaming myself for not bringing the complete set and at the same time wondered if there’s some way to get around this issue. I asked, “is there any serial number in the second piece?” Thinking that I can request for a generic copy to fill up, something for her to file as record. She must have come across similar issue as straightaway she said yes, there’s a serial number.

Then the weirdest thing happened. As if recalling something familiar in the letter, she turned to check her system and said “your voucher has been redeemed.” The issue has just gotten bigger and the mystery thickens. Someone has found my second piece and redeemed my voucher?? She calmly said, ” no, can’t be. As they will need to show the first piece to redeem, so it could be that the bank issued two same serial numbers.”

Anyway, my focus is on how to redeem my vouchers without having to make another trip down, and told her maybe I can call my banker. She has an answer to that too! “Even if your banker can verify for you, I still can’t issue unless the instructions is from my company or my boss, not the bank.”

Needless to say, my frustration was steadily rising. I called my banker and reached her assistant, and tried to explain the situation and she immediately told me to give her a few minutes to address the situation. Miss X repeated that perhaps I should come back another time as her instructions were clearly that she can’t issue even if it was instructed by the bank.

Long story short, banker called Miss X’s company and her boss called her to release the voucher to me. Miss X apologized and I said no worries and that I hope they find out if there was double redemption. Everything was settled, though it could have been less of a hassle.

Situation 2

Airport lounge. Little one needs to answer nature’s call and there was a man at the counter in front of us so I requested to bring her in first and settle the registration later. With me was also my husband and teenage son. I rushed them in with me even though I only had an invitation for one. After settling the little one’s urgent needs, I went back to the front desk and requested to pay/use points to for an exception for my son and husband. Came the curt reply, “your invitation is only plus 1, so please get your guests outside.” I explained, “my son is unwell and I can’t handle both of them all by myself so hoping there’s some allowance.” She said, “then you should have asked the airline for additional invitation because here we only allow entry based on that.” Again I said,”the airline said to approach you guys.” She gave the look as if I’m either ludicrous or have some loose screws. And the conversation after that started to turn ugly as she insisted I must get the extra guests out and I insisted to speak with her manager. We were at two extreme ends – her instructions required that no extra guests are allowed and mine was an appeal for an exception to that instructions. And there’s no meeting halfway here.

After speaking to the manager who said she had to consult the airline, we stayed in the lounge in the end but it was a very very negative experience that was totally unnecessary. I’ve seen many expatriates who got better treatment or easy access for a family of 4 or 5, so there’s definitely something that’s not in the instructions books but is discretionary or perhaps I should say discriminatory instead.

Seriously, people are generally civilized if they are treated in a civilized manner. I was becoming quite uncivilized towards the end and I think my kids were quite taken aback. Even I was surprised at my own response.

When in your hand, is the choice to make someone’s day or to ruin it, when one requires flexibility and empathy and the other means following instructions, what do you do?

Unfortunately, she chose the latter.

Learning to feel, all over again…

Ever been hurt so bad, disappointed so much, that the only way to stay alive, to stay sane, is to not feel, to not let the emotions take over? Where the brain steps in to take charge, to protect the heart?

Ever heard people say, don’t be so emo lah, small thing only, why like that? And then we learn to shut up, and hide and bottle up the feelings? Wonder how we get depressed and even suicidal?

Humans are creatures of emotion; that was our survival instinct. Why do babies cry? Why do children throw tantrums? That’s how we learn to survive, that’s how we learn to express our needs. Somehow, along the way, we learn to use more of our brain than our hearts (think Phua Chu Kang:”Use your blain! Use your blain, use your blain!”)

We logicalise our emotions, allowing us to seem somewhat rational. We justify our emotions using our thoughts to analyse our behaviours. We prioritise logical thinking and reasoning over gut feel and heartfelt emotions, even in the form of gratitude and love. We need some form of equation, to justify loving something or someone, a reason to be grateful.

What if, just what if, we just allowed ourself to feel deeply, fully? Would we break down and cry, because it would be overwhelming? Would we feel awkward, because we can’t recognise the feelings? Would we feel stressed because of what we think the world will see us as?

My challenge to myself, is to allow myself to feel, fully, truly, deeply. To be able to be authentic to myself. To be able to experience extreme joy, and pain, and just be. Are you willing to join me in this challenge, to see beyond what the eye can see, to allow the heart to stretch and grow and breathe?